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“Selfies”

So, This brainless term has sparked equally foolish pictures. It gave life to the “duck face” , the “look-away” with the Obvious cleavage shots and the “full length mirror shot w your cell phone in hand” Oh and my ultimate favorite is the bathroom selfies. The place where you do your business is exactly the place when I want to see you try and be sexy.

Excuse me while I vomit! Oh, and I’ll be vomiting in that same bathroom where you’re trying to do that awkward sexy pose over the sink… please just stop. you’ve humiliated yourself enough. You look like an idiot.. Don’t use that as your profile picture.
Oh no, I see I’m too late for some of you!
Honestly, Who the heck takes pictures in the bathroom? And why is it that these are the only pictures on your social media profiles?
Are these people that alone and desperate that they have to take pictures, by themselves because nobody else will take their picture for them? Find a freaking stranger on the sidewalk and ask them to take a picture for you. Unless you’re weird about it, most people wont mind stopping for 5 seconds to help you out. What does that say about you as a person. If on average, 1 out of ever 3 pictures, is a self- self portrait… what does that say about who we are? Vain? Self centered? Oblivious? Why are you searching for validation from a ridiculous picture where you’re sharing scenery with a toilet. Classy, really classy.
Besides, these pictures, that you take  of yourself, by yourself aren’t cute. Especially for guys, If I see one more tool bag flexing his muscles in his full length bedroom mirror, I swear I’m going to lose my mind. And if you’re going to take a picture in your sleeping quarters, clean your damn room! Because you know what’s not sexy? Your dirty laundry all over the floor. At this point, move to the public bathroom and take your picture, because a public bathroom background  is more appealing than your bedroom floor.
For the D-bags of the selfies world,  please stop taking pictures of yourself at the gym. Here’s a thought… actually work out, and go home. stop being the weirdo with their cell phone camera snapping pics in the mirror. You look like creepers, so quit it.
ALSO… to the ladies of the stout end of the spectrum, you’re not fooling ANYONE by taking a picture arms length away as high up and you can possibly make your phone reach.
We know you have a double chin, and we know you’re trying to hide it! and you’re cleavage isn’t that distracting that we cant notice the rest of you! Angling the camera a certain way does not hide the fact that you’re overweight. There are still little hints, like cheekbones, that give you away as a chubbster. Yours are hidden, and there isn’t a camera angle in the world that can bring them back to the surface.. Do yourself a favor stop trying to fool yourself because you’re not fooling the rest of us. Embrace the fact that you look a certain way in pictures and stop trying to hide behind the slant of a camera lens.
So while, you go thru your phone and count how many selfies you actually have, or change your profile picture because you realized your secret is out just keep in mind selfies aren’t cute, the duck face is not attractive, and the bathroom is a place for you to take a crap not a self portrait.
xoxo
Lucy-

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